SUMMERTIME and should you be growing any cotton it will apparently be high and while the fish are not jumping I have seen quite a few belly-up in the canal.
This is a time of great joy, lunch on the terrace, walks in the countryside and gardening. Well not the last one. I am actually clinically allergic to gardening. Oh I do what I can to help with the heavy work. Yesterday, for instance, I lifted out the lawn mower and tonight will open the cap on a new bottle of gin. Oh yes, helpful husband, that's me.
It is also the time of year when those who bought a cabriolet in January stop worrying about their sanity. Here comes the sun, get your tops off.
If there is anything which demonstrates the Canute-like qualities of the British it is convertible cars. We enjoy a summer which is, on average, around 28 seconds long and yet the market for drop-tops is healthy. And this brings us to one of the most embarrassing UK motoring habits.
Having bought into rag-toppery owners seem determined to defy the elements andso we have the sad sight of open-topped cars being driving on cold winter's days by people dressed in Shackleton's underwear wearing terrorist balaclavas.
There is nothing to recommend ice on a moustache. Even a lady's moustache. Among the great advances in motor car design was the tin roof, blankets across the legs are strictly for the London to Brighton.
Soft-tops are for promenading with the wind in your hair, not frostbite of the ears. That is why so much is made in this country of how quickly a roof can be raised. In Cannes it can stay down from May to November. In Chorley from the A6 to Tesco.
On then to a French car you may well see and admire on the Cote d'Azure. Or even the Golden Mile. Citroen's DS3 Cabriolet.
Here we have something a little different for Happy Valley Sundays. The roof retracts in two parts. Firstly you can peel back what amounts to a large sunroof and then follow up by dropping the smaller rear window bit for a fully topless experience.
The result is a very stylish open air look, in fact the whole car is an exercise in tasteful design and not without flair.
That's not to say there is any lack of purpose, certainly not from the turbo charged 1.6-litre 161bhp THP sport version which hits 62mph in 7.5 seconds while claiming a fuel return of 50mpg. Cheapish tax, too, £110 a year. It will, however, set you back £19,000 but that's money well spent for an attractive car which is fun to drive and powerful.
Handling is also satisfying, good body control in the corners and a confident stance. Refinement is good except for toad noise through the 17-inch wheels but wind noise, the bane of many convertibles, is low.
Right, the truth is though you don't buy this car to tear around the mountains or score points for running costs. You buy it to look, and therefore feel, good.
Inside the cabin design is impressive, it makes a statement and that statement is probably reflected in the tight jeans and canvas shoes you are wearing. It is a young car; piano-black fascia, overlapping instruments and a sexy flat bottomed wheel. You get my drift, young owners will look right on trend with the top down. Me? I looked right on steroids, apparently.
Equipment is generous, not least safety features which include a low speed emergency braking system, stability control and six airbags.
All models have running lights, remote locking, cruise control and electric front windows. The DSport gets leather interior detailing, electric mirrors, air-con, and Bluetooth. Oh, and parking sensors.
Is it practical? Well there is a reasonable boot but the access allows just small suitcases. I ended up folding the back seats and loading that way. Always a tricky procedure going in through the rear, matron. Legroom is not great either.
Yes summertime, tennis on the grass, Pimms, strawberries and the thwack of leather on willow. Well I don't suppose beating trees is any less worthy than cricket.