YOUprobably have not given a huge amount of thought to the fashion statement that is being a hipster. So let me help.
To be one of the original hard-line style terrorists was to be part of a sub culture of dress affectation and passion for uniqueness.
For a start there were the unimaginably tight jeans around unbelievably skinny legs, legs so thin they would be rejected by any self-respecting British garden bird. The dress code continued through plaid shirts to flat caps and coats worn as a cape. A sort of reality Fast Show sketch.
Originally the aim was to be different which is why it is so confusing that anyone beyond the bum fluff stage wanted to model his gob on King George V.
This being different thing meant that the height of bar culture was to drink out of a jam jar, to be determined that your coffee was double filtered and be occupied on a self-employed basis as something like an artist-model or stylist-glassblower.
Like all trends it has now become mainstream. You can hipster up at Top Shop and have the essential tattoo done by transfer and wash it off before mum comes in.
One way to tell it is now a common fashion is to look in the Sunday mags to see what hipster essentials are available. This week I found a pouch of designer copper nails for £25, bio dynamic organic chard in Brixton and for just £14 a device for removing the screw caps from wine bottles. The evidence is clear, the world has gone mad in its own beard.
This means that out there will be cars acceptable to the hipster community and others repugnant.
Given that the hipster trend is going to be a largely metropolitan one, we will be looking at city cars here, preferably with zero taxation so that there is money left for a desirable fold-up Brompton for the boot.
A MINI must be in there but it is costly and the ultimate statement is surely a Fiat 500 or a VW up! It certainly would not be a Chelsea tractor like a Range Rover. Not in those jeans, sonny Jim.
Neither will it be a Suzuki Celerio SZ4 AGS, a car which has carefully avoided being a victim of the style police to bring a good sense, no nonsense package to an urban jungle near you, complete with an automatic gearbox. Manual shift is £800 less and I think I would.
This was one of the efficient one pot short of a full tea service, sub one-litre, three-cylinder petrol engines which cost zilch to tax and look towards the mid-60s for its mpg.
Of course there is a price to pay. With 16.4 seconds passing before 62mph shows on the simple but clear instrumentation loon pants could back in fashion by the by the time you get home. You can have 1.4-litres which is a totally different kind of fish.
It may not be fast but in its environment the Celerio does feel what Raymond Baxter used to call ‘nippy'. The car has a throaty engine tone which you can look upon as either something which gives degree of verve credibility or makes it sound like the bearings are going in your hair dryer.
It is a matter of personal taste. As is how much you would like to drive it on the motorway.
In the city it is far from uncomfortable, short on crashing and banging over bad surfaces, easy to park and very roomy thanks to a wheel at each corner and high roof. Visibility is great.
There are five doors, a boot bigger than some of the competition and while interior plastics are hard it is well put together and, anyway, that's what you can expect down here on the mean streets.
Equipment is generous but then it is on the entry-level Celerio with alloys, air-con, DAB radio, Bluetooth and all the modern connections. SZ4 adds electric rear windows better wheels and electric mirrors. Safety features are extensive.
The SZ4 AGS version costs £10,214 and brings to your driveway practicality, economy and as it is free of one million paint options and no mood lighting whatsoever, absolutely no chance of you becoming a fashion victim.