NOWand again I have time between chainsaw mayhem and man hour in the pub to read the Sunday magazines.
Invariably this sends me a bit bonkers. For instance, recently one paper dedicated almost all of its glossy to three old men who are earningmillions with a new 'motoring' programme. Last of the Summer Whine I think it is called.
All would have been well had I then not turned to another section to find, discussed seriously, the dangers of 'cleansing' wipes and how they could be singularly as bad for the planet as Mr Putin on meth amphetamine.
No, honestly dahling,cleansing 'sheets' are the new supermarket plastic bag. Thedetermination to keep your Trump target fresh means that by 2020 we will be using 1,102,822,000 annually. And who ever had time to come up with that really needs a bigger paper round.
Apparently they don't degrade and the day looms when manhole covers across luvvieshirewill pop off and an ooze of cellulose will engulf the better metropolitan post codes.
The answer is biodegradable products available from superior retailers at £6 for ten or a bargain £16.50 for 30 at Shiseido Pureness. But then you knew that.
There was a time before the easy availability of these ‘essentials'. In fact I well remember how foreign car launches were made special by stashing away as many BA in-flight towelettes as possible. Made a statement over sandwiches in the office, you see.
Such petty theft, I am sure, was common on the original VW Scirocco GTS launch, a ground breaking hatchback coupe which wiped the eye of the opposition. It was a car to be remembered for its style and verve as well as a gentle lemon fragrance thought the afternoon.
The Scirocco was way ahead of the game in terms of style and good taste, a sporting hatchback coupe which dared to be different.
And nothing has changed there where VW's hot-hatch for grown-ups is concerned.
It comes in three fragrances but only as a three-door hatchback, the most potent of which is the R but just below that is the £28,500 six-speed manual GTS, £30,000 for automatic, which we are going to rub all over ourselves today.
Powered by VW's outstanding 217bhp two-litre turbo petrol engine' the GTS is claimed to be able to match the R for takeoff speed.
However it is not a lunatic machine. Many sneer at a mere 6.5 seconds to 60mph but the trick is to make what is no longer toe-curling performance in to something which satisfies without threatening your licence. The GTS pulls it off with free-revving delivery and lifetime entry to the fun factory.
It grips, tucks in and is confident with an engine tone which tells the dog you are home two streets away. Even if the hair has turned grey the GTS will take you back to the days of full-blooded youth.
All this comes suitably supported in the safety department including traction control and an electronic diff lock. Similarly there are parking sensors and aids to better driving, including hints on gear changes which helps if you are aiming to reach the suggested best average consumption of 46mpg.
Over on the cosmetics desk the GTS has been made up into a very pretty, tastefully striped, car with 18-inch Hayden wheels sporting self-sealing tyres.
The cabin is a truly lovely place to be. Sports leather seats are comfortable not punishing with tasteful GTS logos. The younger generation may describe the interior as cool, I say it is in good taste with well laid out instruments and a brilliant leather covered steering wheel.
Complaints? Well having driven the DSG version I would choose that over the somewhat notchy manual gearbox. There is room for four but come on, you should have got the kids married off by this time.
Britain is the Scirocco's biggest market after China. Itremains fun, is classy and as much a head turner as it was in 1982. No flannel.