THIS is one of those tasks which starts with a blank screen and is in very real danger of maintaining that status until after Easter or strong drink is taken.
Look, there is nothing wrong with the Zafira Tourer, far from it but on a personal level it is hard to get worked up about something with so few faults, which fits perfectly into the family picture.
Okay, so I could examine the car by formula but there is some suggestion that the results be announced in reverse order, a rumour that a level of entertainment is expected.
So what do you fancy? A bit of Alfred and the Lion, the best of Morecambe and Wise Christmas specials or would you rather I removed my lower garments and executed a quick Knees Up Mother Brown outside Aldi?
Seven-seat MPVs are what they are, a fertility rite or a punishment for failing to grasp the most basic of Darwin's principles.
I wonder if these cars had been about back in the day whether Monty Python would have done an MPV sketch: "You can have seven seats and an automatic with Spam; Spam, Spam and diesel turbo or Spam, Spam, Spam and heated front Spam seats."
Just about all these leviathans operate on the same basic framework of maximum passenger accommodation with a civilised ride and about as much luggage space with all seats occupied as there is intelligent life on Donald Trump.
In the end it all comes down to splitting the quality atom.
Bringing us to one of the Zafira's, currently the UK's best seller in its class, major attractions.
We are looking at the 138bhp 1.4 petrol turbo here, six-speed manual with SRi Nav spec, a conservative interior carrying plenty of kit for your £24,000.
Out on the road this is a Johnny Cash car, best if it walks the line.
What happens if you throw it around the countryside?
Why would you do that, get off on the kids being sick do you?
That specs ad with the pensioners on the Traumatiser eating cheese sandwiches, well that.
You can cruise all day with a happy band of brothers aboard, loads of places to put drinks and casual entertainment items and look forward to sub 10 seconds to 62mph acceleration but think urban cowboy not yee ha.
Constrained by modern family budgets you possibly have hocked the pension plans to buy it so running costs are important.
Titter ye not but while the 1.4 offers enough power to shift such a big body the computer was reading an average of just under 40mpg against a claimed 42.2mpg although for the green at heart 158g/km of smoke is a bit on the high side.
Right have a look in here.
Vauxhall wanted the latest Zafira to be a simple beast with more beauty and less toggles and buttonage.
A seven-inch touch screen dominates the driving position to reach this goal and as well as the navigator it contains controls for the DAB radio, Bluetooth and the call-centre based OnStar system which connects to advisers and facilitates 4G wi-fi for those on board.
Cabin quality is high, softness abounds but the equipment levels, while generous, can be confusing so make sure you study the spec sheet before committing.
On a general level all the expected safety features are here and the creature comforts of modern motoring.
Obviously practicality is important and Flex 7 seating allows for every configuration short of the driver standing up.
All five rear seats can be folded individually to give versatile luggage space up to 2,000 litres.
The second row slides to give a bit more leg room and tilt cleverly for rear access.
The third row is really kiddy accommodation but comes with head-height storage cubbies.
There you have it, a major league MPV more entertaining than would be expected which gets the job done with style, refinement on the road and little needless fuss along with a low price tag.
All done and dusted before springtime and on just one bottle of port.