PEOPLE have been trying to get me to grow up and it is not meeting their self-set satisfaction levels.
Apparently is was edged on some sort of sarcastic prejudice and deemed unhelpful to suggest that rather than call the latest Royal issue Archie Andrews or whatever, something more easily grasped by the Americans may be better, say Duke Phillip, king of Edinburgh. Be flippant about the Firm at your peril.
It also seems in theses politically tense times describing the leader of the opposition as a Jurassic nark is not in the right spirit although I did express the opinion that his exhalations were Corbyn dioxide.
But I'm not out of touch. I know Game of Thrones is about playing musical toilets.
Not surprisingly then, when invited to Manchester upon the permanent way, opinions were expressed, none positive.
Normally it takes a Taser to get me on a train. They are of another time. The dark ages.
Today's rail travel "experience" equates to long forgotten car standards like wind up windows which are the reason mum and dad each had a disproportionately muscular arm, or road maps. You can't exactly hold a sat nav upside down.
Bringing us to the Volvo V60. Not just a thing of architectural beauty but a fine example of the technical features expected of the modern £35,000 car.
Look at this: Every V60 comes with a nine-inch center touch screen which dominates the fascia on call app which allows remote control of functions full navigation, animal and pedestrian alert with fully automated braking, steering correction and run-off protection would you find yourself heading for the cow field.
So that's how safe it is, while for your pleasure and convenience there is twin-zone climate control, a power operated tailgate, rear parking sensors and cruise control. Ad Intellisafe Pro for all round protection at an extra Â£1,625.
Now that's for starter, the D4 R-Design Pro, that will be Â£40,210 as an automatic, adds tinted windows for the nervous, headlight shadow technology keyless operation and entry, heated front seats and a heads up display. All of which would count for nought if it ran on coal and had a pilot light.
The two-litre diesel engine with eight-speed automatic gearbox takes just 7.6 seconds to reach 60mph, enough for any estate driver I would venture.
Expect to get around 52mpg driven in a human manner. That figure is easily attained on the motorway where the R-Design Pro is both responsive and smooth.
Out in the country handling is better than you may expect form a battle cruiser, little role and a cornering responsiveness that encourages fun although I doubt this is the first priority of a V60 owner.
No, the story here is sheer interior indulgence. Nappa and cloth seats, totally intelligent instrument layout and absolute comfort. Some say this is the best estate you can get and judging by comments from casual passenger kidnapped from the roadside, this may well be true.
Practical? Oh come on, it's massive with acres of room for people and kit. This is what an estate car should be. With rear sets up volume amounts to 529-litres to the glass, seats down give you 898 and a small wedding reception.
It is a long time since I have had such an envious reaction to a car. Mrs O, for instance, has both forearms in plaster after she was prised from the steering wheel.
Volvo has enjoyed a brilliant year, voted most dependable, named best over long journeys, most successful car launch and figures to tantalise a sales director at 30% year-on-year growth.
I would suggest that this is because it does not have a poor, even average, model in its portfolio but also because these are all grown up cars for grown-ups. Perhaps the fun police are finally getting to me.